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The Taliban News Network (CNN), has been approached
by terrorist representatives who want to get a message out from Osama bin
Laden. CNN, a network that is
willing to show picture after picture of burned bodies and destroyed
buildings in Afghanistan, but refuses to show any American bodies from the
Twin Towers attack, or even replay the attack, nor will they label the
terrorists that which they are – terrorists, is very excited to conduct
this interview.
Conservative Dane’s vast network has been able to
not only obtain the questions that TNN wants to ask our enemy, but my
covert operative friends in the United States Marine Corps have been able
to smuggle the preplanned statements bin Laden has prepared out of his
caves and into my hands, where I give them to you.
My operative tells me that numbered-days-boy was
planning on more than six questions to be asked of him, so his scripted
answers were condensed, and he asks that they be printed without edit.
Military translators tell me that nothing was lost in the
translation. I gave the
script to an analyst acquaintance I have at TNN, and he assured me that he
found no message in the text and that I would be safe to print it, as they
most certainly will when they receive it.
Trusting his word, I have amazingly been able to beat the old
Clinton News Network in the publishing of their planned interview with our
terrorist enemy.
Again, I assure you that the Taliban News Network has
assured me that there are no messages to terrorist Sleeper Cells
underground in America in the following text:
Interview follows:
TNN:
Your spokesman has praised the
September 11 terrorist attacks that killed thousands of innocent people
and threatened to carry out more attacks involving planes and tall
buildings. How can you and your followers advocate the killing of innocent
people?
Terrorist:
The dog is purple. Green
cats have control. The river
left is warm. America is
evil.
TNN:
What was your role and the role of the
al Qaeda organization in the September 11 attacks?
Terrorist:
The desert is high after the mountain sinks in the swamp. When the car is fast the door turns red.
America is evil.
TNN:
What was your role and the role of
your organization in the subsequent anthrax attacks in the United States?
Terrorist:
The chair is against the wall.
The chair is against the wall.
John has a long mustache. John
has a long mustache. America
is evil.
TNN:
Did any of the September 11 hijackers or their accomplices
receive al Qaeda financial support or training at al Qaeda bases in
Afghanistan, and was any other government or organization involved?
Terrorist:
The road is a circle. The
diamond is black. The season
is fall and the tree will sprout. America
is evil.
TNN:
In the past, you called on your followers to acquire weapons of
mass destruction -- nuclear, chemical and biological weapons. Do you or
your followers have any such weapons and, if so, will those weapons be
used?
Terrorist: Big wind on apple. Sick flight go. Suitcase dump. Nervous eliminate. America is evil.
TNN: The vast majority of Muslim and Arab leaders, including Muslim clerics and Palestinian Authority leader Yasser Arafat, say there is no justification in Islam for the terrorist attacks you advocate. They have denounced you, your followers, and your self-declared holy war. How do you respond to their criticism?
Terrorist: Arafat is with us you moron. You are so stupid. You believe the words of my followers before those of your own government. That is why we used you. You are stupid. Operation backed in corner initiate. America is evil.
***
No American military personnel were harmed in the smuggling process of this transcript, for which the old Clinton News Network has expressed concern. Again, they also assure Americans that there are no hidden messages in this transcript that would potentially endanger innocent American civilians.
I would like to extend my gratitude to the American Military Personnel serving in the war on terrorism. America sends their thanks and prayers.
September 11, 2001
Never Forget
God Bless America
I Pledge Allegiance
To the Flag
Of the United States of America
And to the Republic
For which it Stands
One Nation
Under God
Indivisible
With Liberty
And Justice
For All